4th April 2008

DISAPPOINTED....
YES !
i am disappointed in myself.
today, we had training(not really a training,just on our hard skills)
after that we had a debrief on the FIRST proposal that the sec3 squad did.
kelly pointed out one point about the wet weather plan.
he said this to us"you guys go &think,is it possible that having a real fire in the canteen?"
after he said this, some f***er said" see hongying,tell you cannot already then you still say can"
TMD ! what is this man !
we had the meeting together, we planed on it together, we agreed on it together& when come to problems all blame, as if when i did smth &the seniors praise you all will say thank you?
what is this la!
is this the sec3 squad?i dont even see the unity la.
think about it la,
you all said you all are stressed up,then how about me?
we are all sec3, i am going through what you guys are going through too(all maybe more)
i didnt utter any single thing saying i cant do or i am tired.
you all say you all are tired after dry shooting, HEY MAN !
as if i didnt go la!
I WAS THERE TOO OKAY?!
after the meeting that day,
me, simone& dearest went for dinner,
after that i rushed home.
my dad scolded me as my teacher called,
i am suppose to be doing all my homework& revising,
BUT i dont !
i quickly typed the whole fucking proposal.
THINK ABOUT IT,
did any of you all called,msn me or even sms me asking me whether i need help except JiaLing&Simone?
i am suppose to send that thing to kelly be 11,but end up i keep dragging and until 12,i am able to send.
if i dont send,
according to kelly,the whole sec3 squad is going to get it from the CIs.
HEY PEOPLE ! i had covered your ass up for you all.
BUT did you all cared?
did you all appreciated?
i am wondering.
the next day no one asked me how is it going on.
i didnt do all my assignments,my teacher srewed me up. i didnt say any f***ing thing out.
let me ask la,what more you all want me to do?
i had really given in my best.
you all are human& i am one too,
i have also my limit in doing things.
my grandma is lying in the ICU& i dont even know how long more can she take it.
i didnt say any single thing out.
i didnt cried can?!
why?!
i dont want all of you all worried for me.
i dont wish to be yours burden.

is it true that being nice to people end up wont be treated well?
i am wondering can?!
today is really the first time i cried for NPCC matters.
anyway,sorry kelly for troubling you& sending you the proposal late that night.
thanks to simone,seri&jialing that is always there for me,
and of course the guys that tried to cheered me up just now.
i really appreciated it very much.special thanks.
but seriously,
i am utterly disappointed in myself.SORRY !