out of this whole world of guys,
i chose you , you as the one.
you had been drifting away from me.
why is that so ?
although i told you i decided to let you go but girl, it's not easy.
i will always be there by your side.
looking at you secretly,
taking of you secretly.
you are just that perfect in my eyes(although you aren't but i dont know why)
at times, you made me pissed off and fed-up,
i really feel like throwing tantrum at you,
but i didnt&ended up you throwing tantrum at me(i guess most girls had this too)
i tried to hate you, but i can't.
the time, the memories, is pulling me back.
we had fond of memories that can't be erased from my mind.
whenever i thought of it, tears will flow down.
the more i hope to give up &let go, the more i am hating that feeling.
you told me to be strong& hate you, but seriously SORRY ! i can't.
i know how much we are lovely once.
i know both of us are loving one another deep inside our heart but can't say anything out.
i know how you are feeling. i know how much hurt i have cause.i am sorry girl.
till now, you are still my dearest girlfriend..
no one will be able to replace you for this half years? or even more.
i really miss all those sweet talks, your hugs, your kisses.
i seriously miss all that.

think about it ,
had anyone love you so much before?
have you love anyone so deeply before ?

for me,
not to love her, will you ?
if i could turn back the time, i will still choose to appear in your life, but this time round,
i am going to grab you tight &will never never let you go. i swear !
no one except you will be able to unlock this heart of mine,
i love you

窗外

点了支不想抽的烟思念像眼圈飘散在床边
泡了杯没糖的咖啡我擦了香水会不会飘到你面前
天空上的云仿佛像你的心情捉摸不定
回想你扮鬼脸的表情难以忘记
爱离窗外越来越远
下着大雨那一夜
你(我)哭红双眼你并没有不对
我才发现我无力挽回
爱离窗外越来越远
已过了多久时间
你(我)哭红双眼你并没有不对
我才发现这早已是从前
我想拉上窗帘我想闭上双眼
只是我不想看到窗外过去的情节
都是我不对你没有不对

YES I AM WRITING ABOUT YOU.... BITCH !
whats the problem with you uh ?
why can't i kup your phone ?
who do you think you are to me ?
HELLO !
stop telling people that i keep contacting you &i will fall for you.OMFG!
please la for heaven sake !
GO HOME LOOK INTO THE MIRROR ON HOW YOU LOOK LIKE CAN ?
or is it that you are too broke to have one ?
I CAN GET YOU ONE !
fucking hell !
me&her broke up you very happy isit ?i guess so.
if you jealous... TOO BAD !LMAO!
its your problem.
stop saying all her bad stuffs infront of me &all my bad stuffs infront of her which all are not true. can?
i believe that we can settle our own problems, if not i am sure that it won't &will NEVER be you uh ?!
if you are too free &have nothing to do, don't come and bother us.
STOP ACTING kind hearted& nice bitch ! pui !

&please, i only called you once when i am really very sad that time.
stop going around telling ppl that when me &her have problems, i will ALWAYS call you.
&say that i am ALWAYS very irritating.
do you understand the word "ALWAYS"?
or you need me to help you define it clearly ?
i guess your english is not to that extend uh ?
dont throw you rpoly face okay?

just now when you called, you ask me why am i not sad right ?
everyone will grow up okay ?
i dont want to be sad is for her okay ?
dont later go around telling people that i dont love her anymore thats why when we broke up i am not sad. PLEASE !
seriously no point...
my heart is meant for her.
so far,
no one made me change my mind, no one made me fall for them.
so, you jolly well SHUT your BIG mouth UP !
if i heard anything from you, i tell you, it wont be nice anymore.
i dont care how old are you older then me.
i am already very good to you already, better dont climb up to my head okay ?!
DONT BE CHILDISH !
if me&jervin really love each other,
i believe we will trust each other even though we are not together anymore.
not in bgr but we CAN still be friend luh.
after all, our relationship is still not that bad can ?
get your fucking face out of my sight !
YES, I HATE YOU !!!

WHAT A ASSUMING DAY...
today met up with erin to fetch you& you know what?
i skipped ballet...
reached airport at around 2plus and the both of us were like looking for the skytrain to proceed to T1.(we even took a map of changi airport)HAHAHAHA..
&finally belt23.
wait wait wait...
you didnt turn up.
you are such a stingy person that dont even send a msg saying you not coming back la.WTH !
&so we went to take cab &back to hougang for my tuition.(waste my time...)awww..


hmmm...i think you are on the plane already bah.
YES i miss you alot alot..
i want to see you, i wish to see you.
but on your side, do you wish?
do you wish to see me?
do you miss me as much as i miss you ?
i am worried...

WHO YOU ACTUALLY LOVE ?
i have one question to ask you...
while this relationship is going on and on, who you love more?
or, have you really love me before?
think about it...

DECIDED...
i have decided,
decided to let go...
i have no more choice.
i have been upset for the past few days,
now i am much more better.
life still goes on for me.
its hard, its not easy but i have to overcome it.
at least i didnt regret being together with you as i had good times
&memories with you.
yes !
i agreed that i didnt expected that things will end it this way,
i guess you too.
i knew we both dont wish,
but we had no more choice but to let it go right baby?
i knew its hard to let you say those nasty
&hurting words to make me leave
&hate you,
i know that you are suffering on the other side of the world but you simply can't utter a word cause you can't let me know.
at this moment i know you cant be soft hearted,
thats why i had to respect your decisions and so,
we can be back to friends quick and we won't be suffering so badly like now,
right my dear?

SO,
i promise,
i wont be upset,
i wont be silly,
i will be back my old self,
i will just live the happy life again.(i guess thats what you wants to see right?)
i now then found out,
what matters more is what we gone through together but not really the ending.
everything will have an end sooner or later,
and its just the matter of how are we handling with all that isn't it?
i will draw a full-stop to everything now.
YES i love you.
&when you really love that person ,
the last thing you can do for that person is to let go..

i can't be the one taking care of you anymore,
so please take good care of yourself.
i can't be the one to be nagging at you anymore,
so please behave yourself.
i can't let you know that i love you anymore,
but that will be resounding in my mind.
i can't tell you how much i misses you anymore,
but my heart is missing you.

i hope i will be the first and the last girl to let you feel what is love.
i will always remember you &save the best for you.
i will never gonna to forget our love, our moments, our every single thing we did..
i hope you dont too..
lastly,
JERVIN NG, I LOVE YOU <3


JERVIN&JANICE...
13thJANUARY2007...
15MOTNHS...

THE ONE I AM LOVING MOST...
hmm...
not really doing fine,
found out some truth& dont know what to do.
& most importantly, i dont know what can i do for you boy.
i know you are sad over your posting of schools& i know you have to go,
i really dont know what i should do.
i want to show my care& love, but i doubt you will accept?
its bothering me...

what's you with her ?
i still can't take this fact though..but i have to..
in this long relationship, have you ever love me deeply before ?
have you appreciated on what i did?
i am wondering..
i dont wish to be forgotten by you.
i dont wish to be ignore, really dont..
you are deep inside my heart.i cant take this feeling out anymore...

when will you be online again?
your every online made me know that how much i misses you.
do ring me up
cause i wish to hear your voice.
i dont know how the end will be like,
but i still love you so& i hope you too.
i will always hope the best for you.
no one is gonna replace you in my heart,
LAM HONG YING DECLEARED THAT SHE LOVE JERVIN NG THE MOST.
so do you my dear ?
58452013143344..

you are my sunshine,
my only sunshine,
you made me happy,
my sky are grey,
you never know dear,
how much i love you,
please dont take my sunshine away...PLEASE !<3
still remember this baby ?

HOPING FOR THE BEST , PREPARING FOR THE WORST...
i am crossing my fingers&pray hard that my grandma will be alright..
be strong okay ? i know you can...
i know you are suffering now but you are doing well isn't it ?
i have been by your side for days&nights. feel me, i am here praying for you...
GET WELL SOON !

sobbing in silent , hoping everything will be alright...
get well soon my dearest grandma<3

i left that space &waiting for your care...

4th April 2008

DISAPPOINTED....
YES !
i am disappointed in myself.
today, we had training(not really a training,just on our hard skills)
after that we had a debrief on the FIRST proposal that the sec3 squad did.
kelly pointed out one point about the wet weather plan.
he said this to us"you guys go &think,is it possible that having a real fire in the canteen?"
after he said this, some f***er said" see hongying,tell you cannot already then you still say can"
TMD ! what is this man !
we had the meeting together, we planed on it together, we agreed on it together& when come to problems all blame, as if when i did smth &the seniors praise you all will say thank you?
what is this la!
is this the sec3 squad?i dont even see the unity la.
think about it la,
you all said you all are stressed up,then how about me?
we are all sec3, i am going through what you guys are going through too(all maybe more)
i didnt utter any single thing saying i cant do or i am tired.
you all say you all are tired after dry shooting, HEY MAN !
as if i didnt go la!
I WAS THERE TOO OKAY?!
after the meeting that day,
me, simone& dearest went for dinner,
after that i rushed home.
my dad scolded me as my teacher called,
i am suppose to be doing all my homework& revising,
BUT i dont !
i quickly typed the whole fucking proposal.
THINK ABOUT IT,
did any of you all called,msn me or even sms me asking me whether i need help except JiaLing&Simone?
i am suppose to send that thing to kelly be 11,but end up i keep dragging and until 12,i am able to send.
if i dont send,
according to kelly,the whole sec3 squad is going to get it from the CIs.
HEY PEOPLE ! i had covered your ass up for you all.
BUT did you all cared?
did you all appreciated?
i am wondering.
the next day no one asked me how is it going on.
i didnt do all my assignments,my teacher srewed me up. i didnt say any f***ing thing out.
let me ask la,what more you all want me to do?
i had really given in my best.
you all are human& i am one too,
i have also my limit in doing things.
my grandma is lying in the ICU& i dont even know how long more can she take it.
i didnt say any single thing out.
i didnt cried can?!
why?!
i dont want all of you all worried for me.
i dont wish to be yours burden.

is it true that being nice to people end up wont be treated well?
i am wondering can?!
today is really the first time i cried for NPCC matters.
anyway,sorry kelly for troubling you& sending you the proposal late that night.
thanks to simone,seri&jialing that is always there for me,
and of course the guys that tried to cheered me up just now.
i really appreciated it very much.special thanks.
but seriously,
i am utterly disappointed in myself.SORRY !

I WILL STILL LOVE YOU SO....
yesterday night, you messaged me.
i was happy.
but today, you told me you wont want me anymore,why is that so?
deep inside my heart is numb.
i am together with you is not because i want to keep this relationship long.
its simply,I FEEL HAPPY when i am with you.
after you left,
will you still continue to love me?
will you still care for me dearly?
i am wondering.
my true love is you& i lost it.
i wont let you go but you want to.
what shld i do?
i seriously need you now !
i cant live without you.sigh...
i guess this time round i have to say goodbye.
you will always be locked inside my heart...
i guess you had found someone you love?
but i still love you so...














will blog about what happened to me later...
but its my first time crying because of npcc...

YOU YOU YOU !!!
my sweetest boy,sweetest valentine...
finally,
when i miss you most today, YOU CALLED !
i was happy like f*** .
i had lots of things to tell you but i can't as i am with a teacher discussing about my e.math.
i wanted to tell you how much i misses you.
i want to say this to you "baby, i...love...you<3"
but i can't... =(
SORRY! not i didn't wish to talk to you but at that moment i really cannot,
hoping that you will call tomorrow,will you?
i miss you so,my priceless boy<3

my baby, 9more days to go& i'm gonna hug you tight...
i love you..<3

TODAY TODAY TODAY...
today was doing fine in school.
had e.math. test&i can't finish.*OH MY*
i guess i am going to fail again...sigh.
before that had my cheena test,its easy like shit.HAHAHAHAS(always)
tomorrow will be having cheena oral& still need to go training,TIRED !
i have lots of homework to settle this weekend,will i be able to finish it?hmmmm..
LHY jia you ohh =x
next monday need to see LGC again.arghhh!i hate her like hell can?!so boring,always make me want to sleep in her lesson BUT I CAN'T! thats how irritating it can be,MS CHAN I MISS YOUR LESSON LUHHS !
will continue the rest on my next post.so,read on=D

HAVE YOU.....
have you really gave this relationship up?
have you really gave me up?
have you really think it through?
have you really think that this is right?
have you really thought that its really for me?
have you really thought of me?
have you ever spare a thought for me?
have you ever miss me?
have you ever love me truly?
have you thought that i really need you badly?
have you ever thought that i misses you deeply?
have you ever thought that how much tears have i shed for you?
have you ever thought that how many meals didnt i eat because i miss you?
have you ever thought that i cant concentrate because i am hurt?
have you ever thought that maybe this is not a good solution?
have you ever thought that this is not we wanted?
have you ever thought that how much i cared for you?
have you ever thought that how much i am worried for you when you are away?
have you ever thought that me without you is nothing?
have you ever thought that i simply cant live without you?
have you ever thought that my life without you is really miserable?
have you ever thought that you are selfish?
have you ever thought that i need you more then anything?
have you ever thought that i really love you?
have you ever tohught that your leave is a great affect to me?
have you think that how eagerly i am waiting for you to contact me?
have you think that i did so much is because of you?


HAVE YOU ? I DONT KNOW!
cause i love you so...
i need you badly...
i am waiting...

HAVE YOU EVER SPARE A THOUGHT FOR ME??!!
i have been missing you damn fucking lot la !
days&nights,i have been crying,
you told me,when you reach hk,you will message me,
you told me,when you are free you will online.
now,you dont even care to send a fucking mail to me.
what you want me to do?
i really cannot take it anymore.
i am seriously in deep great hurt.
tell me !!!
what you want me to do?
i seriously feel like dying.
I SHALL DECLARE THAT.
LHY WILL NOT LONGER BE STRONG ANYMORE !SHE HAD NEVER FEEL THIS PAIN AT ALL. NEVER !!!!

TODAY TODAY TODAY...
SUX LIKE HELL!!!!!!
today is such a sucky day can?!
in school today,had to take class photo,it was fun though but kinda miss 1Do6&2Do7.
but first time i feel that the class is huge&feel bond together.
didnt went for recess duty as we had late recess..hmmm..
eng summary test(DIE!)
i feel happy as we are going shooting&can skip 2 periods of A.maths - so cool can?hahas.
went shooting& my score is ZERO !
i cant imagine that to happen.but it happened.
LHY. you are so useless can?! ZERO !!!!!!!OMFG!!!!!

anyway,
journey there &back,
i was crying on the bus like hell.
when i look up to the sky,i miss my star&cloud.
i miss you so...

I AM MISSING YOU BADLY...
i am always thinking,
"where are you?"
"what are you doing?"
"are you missing me?"
baby baby,
do you know how much tears had i dropped?
do you know how much i wish you are contacting me?
do you know i have been looking at my phone&i got nothing?
i simply miss you so..
my phone feels like dying without your msg.
LHY wish the time to fly ....
she wish to see you NOW..
she feels like hugging you tight tight tight !!!!
I MISS YOU...
i can't take this anymore baby...